Punch Drunk Love
by Cendrekai
Summary: Based on the Characters of my other story. A bit more light hearted adventure. Two sisters travel throughout Azeroth.


Two figures rode into the sea port of Ratchet amongst the bustling movement of various travelers and citizens. Atop a large green raptor, sat a blue skinned troll swathed in a light colored robe. Her companion rode a horse with a mane and tail in flames. The rider, an undead wearing a black robe, seemed to be unbothered by the fire that flickered at her clothing.

"Sis, stop complaining and be glad we will soon have an actual roof over our head," the troll Janipur said, while descending from atop her mount.

The undead, Akillian, shot a glare at the troll before she climbed off her steed and began to remove the gear the horse carried. "I don't see why we can't be given our assignments and be on our way. I loathe this lazing around."

Snorting loudly the troll shook her head and began to search for an inn and stable while they waited for orders from their superiors. Seeing an inn in the distance, she began to lead her mount and sister forward.

A sudden booming voice caused both companions to freeze mid step. "If it isn't my girls! Come here you silly things," was yelled as Akillian and Janipur felt themselves scooped up and crushed to the chest of a large orc.

Janipur laughed, "GREGGLES! Let me go you big bully, I can hardly breathe you are holding me so tight." After another quick squeeze, the orc released his victims and grinned smugly as they attempted to recover.

Akillian looked the orc over briefly, noting the brightness of his plate armor and the large swords he carried on each hip. With a small smile she greeted the large green figure, "Mr. Udunno, it has been too long since we were last blessed with your presence, what brings you to Ratchet?"

The orc shrugged and replied, "Been slow on the warfront. My clan is having their annual skirmish with their rivals, figured I would observe the festivities. The Hawk Clan will tear those Ogre brutes apart. What brings you fine ladies to my part of the world?"

Janipur, having caught her breath, explained their current situation to the orc. After much cajoling, Udunno was able to convince the two women to join him in a small cottage he was living in on the outskirts of town.

After settling in it was decided to eat dinner and get some drink in a local pub. "Greggles, leave the man alone! You are going to shake his head loose," Geniphur laughed as she watched Udunno grabbed another mug of mead.

The large green troll rubbed his neck after being released from Udunno's grip and inquired, "Why do you call him Greggles? He told me his name was Udunno."

Akillian spoke up from the chair she was occupying in the corner of the room, "We call him that because he is such a gregarious bastard. He can make a friend out of anyone he meets." Udunno raised his mug in response and began to give a toast to his newfound friends in the bar.

"Never again. I will never drink again," Udunno moaned from his position at the backdoor of the cottage. Janipur snickered as she cooked some eggs and meat for breakfast, while Akillian sat at the table working. Her hands deftly wove glowing white string into the cloth of her sister's robe.

Finishing, Udunno returned to the kitchen table and sat with his head cradled in his arms. "Greggles, drink this. It should help your head and stomach," Janipur said quietly. Groaning, Udunno drank the concoction before putting his head back down.

The group settled into a quiet breakfast, occasionally disrupted by Udunno's complaining. Afterwards, the kitchen was cleaned and the trio decided to head to town to do some shopping. Akillian and Janipur headed towards the food market while Udunno followed slowly behind. He would stop occasionally to pop into a shop before striding to catch up with the women.

As Janipur left the doorway of a herb seller, a small green figure ran by and grabbed the small bag containing her purchases. "HEY! Bring that back you little urchin," Janipur yelled out as she began to chase the thief. Weaving in between the crowd, the figure slowly pulled away from the slower troll. Stopping her chase, Janipur was surprised as a tall bloodelf ran past her in pursuit of the thief.

"Don't worry miss. I will get your st-," he yelled at the same time Udunno jumped into his pathway. Lifting up one of his large arms, the orc struck the bloodelf in the head. The elf fell to the ground with a loud thump and lay unmoving.

Crying out, Janipur ran to the two men and pushed Udunno in the chest. "You idiot! You stupid, stupid man! You could have killed him," she shouted and began to check the prone figure over.

Udunno stood confused as he watched the priestess begin to heal the man. "Do not worry, I sent one of my demons after the little pickpocket," said Akillian as she moved to stand beside Udunno and explained the error that had been made.

"Ah, Jani, I'm sorry. I thought he was the one who took you stuff. We can take the damned elf back to our place and you can fix him up," Udunno pouted.

Following Janipur's instructions, Udunno carefully picked the bloodelf up and began to carry him towards their house. As they walked, a felhunter ran up to Akillian with the stolen bag in his mouth. His body wiggled in happiness as his mistress stroked his head in thanks. "Good boy, Phuu," she said quietly before waving her hand and sending him back into the nether.

Light streamed in through the curtains and fell directly into the eyes of the bloodelf. A sharp gasp was heard as the elf leapt into a sitting position and began to inspect his surroundings. He was in a small room which housed a bed, a desk, and a small basin filled with water. Groaning, the elf ran his hand over his platinum colored hair as a wave of pain caused stars to enter his vision.

"What the hell happened?" he mumbled before standing to begin to inspect the rest of the room. The cold that assaulted his body caused the elf to realize he had been stripped of all his clothing except his undergarments. Looking at the desk he noticed his pants and hurriedly pulled them on. The sound of light laughter caused him to freeze and he began to make his way down the stairs to investigate.

"Looks like our poor little elf has regained consciousness. Such a pity," remarked Akillian as she continued to weave fabric.

Janipur put the bandages she had been making aside and quickly ushered the bloodelf to a seat at the table. "It is so good to see you wake. Do you feel any nausea? Is your balance okay? Can you see fine?" she inquired.

"Uhh, yes I think I am fine. Ummm. Miss…?" the elf replied.

Laughing, Janipur raised her hand and explained, "My name is Geniphur and the forsaken is my sister Akillian. The orc you ran into earlier was Udunno. He is out right now. And what may we call you?"

With great grandeur the elf stood and bowed, "You may call me Valerius, my lady." Akillian groaned at the elf's antics.

Chuckling, Janipur curtsied low. "So Valerius, do you make a habit of coming to the rescue of damsels in distress?"

"Only beautiful ones, like yourself," Valerius said as he sat at the table opposite of Akillian. His grin turned into frown at the disgusted look the forsaken gave him. "So…um…is there anything to eat here?"

Akillian sighed, "Udunno went to grab something. It seems a guilt stricken orc and a worried troll both find comfort in eating anything placed in front of them." A loud banging was heard, followed by cursing. "Seems like he is back, perhaps he needs help with what he is carrying."

Akillian looked at Valerius as he stared at Geniphur's lowered head and deftly weaving hands. "Oh, let's not help at once," the forsaken grumbled as she stood up and opened the door.

"Hey girly! Wanna grab this bag here?" Udunno said as he thrust a large satchel into Akillian's arms. "Don't drop it, Jan will kill someone if the eggs break."

"Greggles, I believe you have met Valerius?" asked Akillian.

"Hardy har har. So, elf your name is Valerius?" Udunno asked as he patted Valerius's shoulders and shook him a bit. "Sorry about knocking you out there, didn't think a little ol' hit like that would knock you on your ass."

Blushing, Valerius straightened his clothing from the rough handling. "You just surprised me is all," he muttered.

Laughing, Akillian and Udunno began to prepare the food for their meal. "Well Val, you can stay as long as you want or until Aki gets sick of you," Udunno stated before turning back to chop the meat he had bought.

"You are all soldiers of the Horde?" Valerius asked as they ate dinner. His bruises long gone, he moved with a comfortable ease around the room.

"Greggles and Aki have been in service for a considerable amount of time. I only entered the service to be of assistance to my sister. It would kill me to lose her in a battle that I may be able to prevent," Janipur said as she leaned back in her chair. "We happen to be here waiting for new orders. I sent word that Udunno was here with us, so hopefully we will be stationed somewhere together."

Positioning his chair next to Janipur's he sat with his arm pressing against hers. As both stared into the fire in front of them, Valerius slowly stretched before placing his arm around Janipur's shoulders.

"Jan, I was hoping we could go to the tavern later tonight, maybe go swimming down on the shore?" Valerius said without making eye contact.

Standing quickly, Janipur raised her arms in the air. "Finally! I have been waiting for you to ask me. I was beginning to think you were a eunuch or something. Let me go put on something suitable."

As soon as Janipur was out of sight, Valerius was stunned to be grabbed in a head lock by Udunno. He froze his attempts to free himself when Akillian's face appeared inches from his.

Quietly and without emotion, Akillian ordered, "If you hurt my sister in ANY way, I will kill you. If you make her cry, I will kill you. If she has a bad night with you, I will kill you. Do you understand?"

Gulping, Valerius nodded as best he could. Akillian straightened and Valerius fell to the floor as he was suddenly released. With a glare from Akillian and a grin from Udunno, both resumed their positions they had before.

Janipur came back downstairs dressed in a loose yet elegant robe. "I will see you in the morning sister, do not wait up for me," she said as she kissed her sister's cheek. "Udunno, try not to get too drunk."

The following morning, Akillian stood at the counter chopping up vegetables as Udunno sliced the meat for cooking. With a tired shuffling, Valerius came into view of both of them. His hair disheveled and shirt missing he nonetheless grinned as he sat at the kitchen table.

With a glare, Akillian chastised, "You know, you two were so loud last night coming in. You would think neither of you had heard of manners."

Placing his feet upon the table, Valerius bragged, "Your sister wasn't complaining last night when she was screaming my name."

Both Udunno and Akillian tensed. Putting the knife she had in her hand down, she turned to look at the elf at the table. "Boy, if I were you, I would start running now," Udunno advised.

"What?" was all that left Valerius's mouth before the chair he sat upon erupted into flames. Eyes becoming wide, he stared in shock as a purple glow began to emit from Akillian's hands.

"RUN! RUN ELF," Udunno yelled. Valerius did not need to be told again. Throwing himself out the front door, Valerius shifted into the shadows in an attempt to hide himself.

Just as he was about to reach some bushes to hide in, he was tackled to the ground by a snarling creature. Grasping at the ground, he was surprised to feel himself lifted onto his knees. His surprise turned to fear however, as he came face to face with the person he had been running from.

Meanwhile, Udunno had charged upstairs and was banging on Janipur's door. Finally the door opened and Janipur glowered at Udunno's antics.

"Are you drunk or something?" she yelled as he attempted to drag her downstairs.

"," he explained in one breath.

"Who did what?" Janipur said. Explaining again but more slowly, Janipur gasped and began to run in front of Udunno.

Running towards the sounds of high pitched screaming, Janipur found Valerius on the ground as Akillian covered him in a purple glow.

Nearing, Janipur could hear her sister muttering under her breath. "Little imps…green scaly bodies…imps everywhere." The purple glow brightened as Valerius began to roll back and forth on the ground while holding his head.

"Akillian, stop that right now!" Janipur demanded. Seeing that Akillian had not heard her, Janipur grabbed her shoulders, and repeated her order.

Jerking her head backwards, Akillian noticed her sister. "What? Fine. I have had my fun with him for the time being." she said. With a wave of her hand, the dark glow left Valerius's body and he relaxed.

As Janipur raised him into a sitting position, Akillian sneered at him. "Imps, little elf? Your fears amuse me. I expect next time you will mind that quick little tongue of yours?"

Satisfied by the elf's shaking, Akillian walked back into the house.

"Well, that went better than last time. She must like you," Janipur said as she helped Valerius towards the house. "Let's go get something to eat."


End file.
